When preparing for an English proficiency exam – or any exam for that matter – many students put all of their energy and all of their resources into passing that exam.

The TOEFL iBT, the IELTS, the CAEL or any other test becomes the focal point of their lives for a period of time.

It’s almost like learners attach their heartstrings to that particular achievement.

They eat, breathe and sleep the English exam.

Everything else around them becomes secondary to the successful completion of that obstacle in their lives.

Let me be clear about this type of existence: it’s miserable.

I know because I’ve lived through it.

This obsessive tendency prevents you from enjoying your friends and family and – most importantly – from enjoying the learning process.

I’m going to share something with you that I wish I would have known when I was preparing for examinations.

Emotional attachment to a result is a big mistake.

It breeds doubt, panic and stokes the fires of insecurity.  These feelings will not take you any closer to your desired goal.

To get something that we want, we have to learn how to relinquish our emotional attachment to it.

I’m not talking about stoicism.

And, what I’m saying has nothing to do with procrastination.

It doesn’t mean working less intentionally towards a goal.

It certainly doesn’t mean quitting.

It simply means that the end result (a mark or a score) has to become less important in your mind than the learning journey.

If the number doesn’t matter, then disappointment can’t be attached to it, right?

Well, not exactly.

We’re not machines, after all.

There will always be disappointment attached to an epic fail.

But my point here is this: the result won’t define you or your self-worth.

Without emotional attachment, a setback is easier to accept as a non-permanent state.

When you acknowledge and accept reality, you can create a plan to change that reality.  It makes it easier to try again.

How do you know if you’re emotionally attached?

Aside from making the exam the centre of your existence, the sure sign of an emotional attachment is a lingering connection to an exam or series of exams that have already been completed.

When results are not what a learner expects, weeks (sometimes even months) are wasted wallowing in conspiracy theories about the “unfairness” associated with an examiner or with an exam. Learners become consumed with what should have happened and the way other people should have behaved.

Learners also may think that the examination was “rigged” against their particular profession, or they replay their answers again and again in their heads trying to determine exactly where the mistakes were made. They become incapable of dealing with reality.

Some learners even waste their money on various attempts to prove that the examiners were wrong – hoping against all hope for that Hail Mary pass.

When the test reassessment is returned with the same result, the learner’s bitterness and feelings of resentment intensify.

Negativity breeds more negativity and the vicious cycle becomes more difficult to break.

What can you do to divorce yourself from the outcome?

The answer is not as difficult as you might suspect.

It involves the awareness that learning is something that we do for its own sake.

It does not involve a win-lose, victor-vanquished or confrontational relationship.

Don’t think of learning as an Olympic event, with gold, silver and bronze medals.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that we don’t want to compete in the Olympics.

It means that standing on the podium is a secondary thought.

If we win – or if we pass – then it is a wonderful byproduct of the learning journey.

The competition with ourselves is what matters most.